It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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