To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
