So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
