He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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