So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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