Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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