The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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