For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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