Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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