You just made me feel so damn special
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
