Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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