the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
