p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize