How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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