I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize