new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
