someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You need Xanax blowdarts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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