Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
