Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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