Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
soo... how was my night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
