I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
