It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
