So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
