yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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