spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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