It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
