So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
