Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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