So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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