i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
