i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
