i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
