Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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