If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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