I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
