I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
