he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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