I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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