Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
