i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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