I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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