I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
