dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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