she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
