So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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