Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
