time to smoke my breakfast
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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