I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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