I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
