Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
