Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this boner is exhausting
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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