brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
