I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
