there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
