Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
