I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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