he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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