Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
