the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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