so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
