now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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