He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
