There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Everything about him screamed your future.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
