Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
