saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
