We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
