There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
