Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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