This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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