omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
