He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
