im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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