he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
