i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
