He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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